Wednesday, March 18, 2009

I need to vent

Hello friends,

I'm sorry I have nothing to post,but I need to vent,and writing it down feels better for me. Hope you don't mind,if you don't want to read it,it's ok,you'll still be my friend.

As time goes by my hubby and I are getting more nervous,anxious,fed up and every other emotion possible times 2. So yesterday I emailed my co-ordinator to see if there had been any changes on the list or any news or what not. So she emailed me back today saying that there was no change,still don't know how long it will be and like me, she is hoping soon.

And she adds, Do you have any drug benefit package,yes I do,it's an Ontario benefit package which I will need once the tx is done. So that's a good thing,and then she goes on by saying,there has been a change with the flights. Now, if it happens during the night that i get the call,they will arrange for an air ambulance,at first they had told me that my hubby and I could get on at not cost. Well now she says that they will ask me if we can afford to pay our flight there...duh!!!

I'm sorry but I don't have that kind of money except on a credit card. So I see that this will be very stressful on both of us.
And another she said was that if I get the call during the day,they want me to take a commercial flight. Well we live in a smaller town,which there's only like 3 flights a day going to Toronto,then I would have to transfer in Toronto to London,now will there be connections???

So right now,my head wants to pop open,I just want to scream,I just want to give up!!! If only I can get this all over and done with. I think the surgery will be less painful than all this stress!!!

Why is God not answering all these prayers???? I would never hurt a fly,why did this happen to me??? Like my Mother would tell me, God only gives you what you can handle. Well right now, I can't handle this,maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

Thanks for letting me vent, and have a wonderful day!

Hugs,Diane

13 comments:

mudmaven said...

I am so sorry that you are having to go through all this stressful stuff! I'm sending all my prayers and good thoughts your way in the hope that you will somehow be able to see that light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there and know that you have lots of friends out here pulling for you! ~chris

mochamama said...

hey chickie, hope I don't step on some toes here but you've asked a question and I thought I might try to answer it. You know the past year I went through so I do know how hard it is not to worry about your situation and to wonder why God is being so silent. He is fully aware of what your situation is all about. He's answered your first prayer..... you are on the list. Perhaps He's being silent right now instead of answering your second question because He is waiting for you to place your worry and concerns in His capable hands. There is nothing that has come into your life that has just slipped by God. He knows exactally what He is doing and sometimes as confusing and painful as it is, we need to learn that He is in complete control of every situation. Things happen in His perfect timing. Remember Diane, this is a God who sacrificed His only son because He loved you (me) that much, He didn't do that so that He could turn His back on you when you needed Him the most! He wants only the best for you, but He needs for you to trust Him now when it's hard!!!!
I'm sending big hugs your way hun!!

eggette said...

"Why is God not answering all these prayers???? I would never hurt a fly,why did this happen to me???" Hi Diane, I screamed these same questions to my mother, a United Church minister, when I was in the hospital waiting for my liver transplant. My poor mom. She just held my hand and said. "I don't know. I just trust in Him that this is His plan for you." You just need to pray and trust in him. Now, I KNOW you are praying because your prayers have been answered, Diane. You will get there. Your emotions are riding high right now, understandably so.....and venting is good!! You will find a way, even if you have to walk - although I don't advise that lol! Have faith.......lots of love and hugs....Bonnie

Alex said...

I want to give you a big ole' hug!!! Hang in there, my friend - I know sometimes it seems like you can't,but you CAN handle this! It is true, HE never gives us more than we can handle....and it always all works out. Try and relax, take a walk, read something, hang out with dh, and try and take your mind off this for a little bit! Big hugs and prayers for you, my friend! *STAMPIN HUGS* Alex

pescbrico said...

Oh Diane I'm really sorry about it all. I know it hard to fight and it's kind of make non sens for you to have stress on top of it all. Do you have someone you can talk at the facility to explain your situation and told then that the plan is not ok for you to get on a commercial flight because they may not be one available... Is there a special house close in London that you can go and wait there? I know it's not fun to do but they do have that in Montréal so maybe it does exist there too. Here a big HUG and prayers going your way!

Lauri said...

So sorry to hear about this! I do not understand how the medical system works in Canada, so I really have no suggestions; but it is unfortunate that they do not realize the impact that additional stress like this has on an already stressful situation! Anyway, I cannot add more to what others have said other than that we all love you, are praying for you and trusting that all will work out! Cyber hug for you!

Lorie said...

Oh, Diane! I'm so sorry you are frustrated and I can certainly see why! I agree with the others...God is working through your prayers and will continue to do so. Just because this is the answer to your flight question now that doesn't mean that is what will happen when the time comes. Be patient (it is hard I know!) it will all work itself out. (((HUGS!!!)))

Rose Ann said...

I'm so sorry for this stress you're dealing with, Diane. I have been thinking of you, and pray your answers will be answered very soon. Hugs!!

The Rubber Maid said...

Sweet woman, you can and will handle it all and I'm sure God will help you and DH on the easiest path possible. As Cheryl said and I will repeat...you are in God's gratious hands and he will be there with you all the way. You must keep the faith and you know how much we all love you and will be praying for you all the way. It will all work out so don't lose your trust in our dear Lord. Hugs for you, Pat

Creative Mish said...

This has to be very frustrating. We all need to vent occasionally. You're in my thoughts and I will keep you in my prayers

Lee (LuvLee on SCS) said...

Oh Diane....I'm so sorry....it sure does seem like a huge amount on your shoulders. You need to vent and share and scream and cry...you just do it!!! That's what girlfriends are for!! I know I can't help much......but I can keep you in prayer and send lots of hugs!!!!

Deborah said...

You are so blessed to be so far up on the list! I suffer daily and I am at the bottom of the list. God knows to send my angels each day, oh dear lord, I can image your frustration and stress of the unknowing of how it will all transpire. When it is your time, you'll shine like a star!
I miss you and think about you every day, my liver buddie! Healing hugs, Deb

anamacur said...

do you speak spanis??